Tag Archives: neighbors

Once Again, I Fell Off The Face of the Earth

Hi Again,

I bet you forgot about this blog even existed. It’s ok; I almost did, too.

I’ve been back in Florida for three days. I know I whine about Florida a lot, but today was absolutely beautiful. We went to the Treasure Island Kite Fest, and it was perfect. It started out as a cloudy day, and later when the clouds blew away it was just beautiful.

Patty

Seahorses Kite Festival

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Ooops! I Did It Again!

Britney Spears can not sing worth a hoot, btw.

Once again, I have not written in weeks. I wish I could tell someone, I really don’t have time for rheumatoid arthritis right now, give this to me when I’m 90. One of the wonderful side effects of swollen wrist joints is carpal tunnel syndrome. It really is not fun to sit and type. I still have lots to say, I just can’t type.  I also get to wear special gloves and ace bandages on my forearms.

On the home front, our neighbors on both sides of our house down here are not speaking to us. They are sisters, and their combined age must be nearing 160. One of their husbands is at least 87. We found him sitting on our deck in one of our chairs last week. 🙂 We just waited with him until his wife found him.

So, the only one speaking to us has Alzheimer’s. The reason for this shunning? Our deck. Apparently, it’s a monstrosity, and it’s on our neighbor’s property. News to us. My husband and I measured the distance between our house and theirs about 1,000 times and made sure we never crossed into their yard. In fact, instead of being on the property line, our garden and deck end eight inches on our side.

The other tidbit is technically, it’s neither of our yards. These are mobile homes, and we own the house, not the land. We don’t own the yard, trees or flowers we plant, the deck we built, or the driveway. Technically, she has nothing to complain about because neither of us owns anything once we step out of our homes.

The day we found Eddie on our deck, the two sisters and husbands went out to breakfast. They have been going to a diner named Rosie’s  every.single.day  for the three years we’ve had the house down here. We were of the topic of conversation. We were probably the topic for days, since Bitch Thelma has a tendency to rant on once she decides to hate you. Bitch Thelma, ragged on so much that Ed started having chest pains and had to go to the hospital! Jeeze, enough already. Now he has to wear a heart monitor because his sister-in-law couldn’t shut up about us!

I emailed Bitch Louise, her sister, and explained how we did not build or plant anything on Bitch Thelma’s property. I received a missive back that basically said I’m not interested in this topic, don’t talk to me ever again. Nice.

We have officially named the deck The Monstrosity. I enjoy saying things like, “I think I’ll go sit on The Monstrosity for a while. I try saying this when Bitch Thelma’s husband is around. He’s not talking to us either, so he must suffer, too.

The pic of the deck is awful, I know. I am usually very good with my Big Girl Camera, but apparently the house and deck were tilted when I took the picture. The PVC furniture adds a nice touch, doesn’t it? We’re bringing down nice stuff in January, and staining the deck a grayish color to make it less noticeable. If BTcould have waited for the end result, and not pitched a fit… Oh well, f*** them if they can’t take a joke.

That’s it for now, over and out.

Patty

Deck 1

It’s Amazing I Survived My Childhood. Chapter 2

I’m not sure if I was planned or not. I am nearly 10 years younger than my brother, and 3 years younger than my sister. There was a set of twins in there, and I wonder if I would be here if they survived. I don’t think I would want to have FIVE CHILDREN in ten years. My mom was nearly 40 when she had me, so maybe she was worn down a bit. 

It is amazing I survived. 

My siblings and cousins wanted to use me as a guinea pig. If I survived whatever they wanted to try, then they’d do it. I was superfluous. Until I was nearly seven, we lived next door to my aunt, uncle and my two cousins. I guess you’d call it a duplex.

At that time, there was no door from the one house to the other. I had the run of both houses, and I liked going up to my cousins’ attic because they had a train up there, and some type of basketball game that if you turned it on the players kind of vibrated around. It amused me as a five year old, but was probably a boring game for older kids and that’s why it was in the attic. One day, my sister and my cousin Billy told me that there was a secret passage to the other side of the house. All I had to do was walk behind the wall, and I’d be in our house! Oh, God. I am so glad I never did it, or I wouldn’t be writing this. I would like to think I was savvy enough to realize I was being tricked, but I was probably too scared, so I didn’t die that day.

Two yards away from our house was Professional Pharmacy. There was a garage with a flat roof right behind it. it had to be at least 10 feet high. My sibs and cousins were jumping off it onto the grass, and I wanted to try and they said, “SURE!” My mother came out just in time to watch her four year old flying through space onto the ground. I am not what was said to the older kids, but they never jumped off that roof again. 

Patty

 

 

It’s Spa Time!

skinny dipper
We finally filled the spa 4 weeks before we drive down to FL. Better late than never. I skinny dip. The problem with skinny dipping is our next door neighbor, we’ll call him The Idiot.
We have a very well-treed yard along the fence line, so I don’t have to worry about those four houses in the summer. I just bundle up and make a mad dash for the spa, stripping off the robe just as I slip in. This has resulted in me falling in, robe and all about six times. The problem is in the winter because there’s less trees, and with a full moon I could be seen. I solve this by walking out with every light off even in the spa, and get in. This has resulted in me tripping over everything in our screened porch, including a 15 pound gargoyle named Clyde.
The Idiot sneaks in our yard at night. I know this because twice he’s come right up to our screened porch (17 feet in to our yard) and whispered, “Hi Patty”. I told his wife he was an idiot and a freak.
Today we are hanging curtains so that Mr. Peepers can’t peep. If he comes all the way into the backyard, I’m getting a bb gun!

Sneaky Patty