Tag Archives: humorous

Once Again, I Fell Off The Face of the Earth

Hi Again,

I bet you forgot about this blog even existed. It’s ok; I almost did, too.

I’ve been back in Florida for three days. I know I whine about Florida a lot, but today was absolutely beautiful. We went to the Treasure Island Kite Fest, and it was perfect. It started out as a cloudy day, and later when the clouds blew away it was just beautiful.

Patty

Seahorses Kite Festival

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Patty and the Nun and First Grade

tracing-number-2Alphabet Tracing
Raise you hand if you went to Catholic Elementary School. No, don’t I can’t see you! I don’t remember much about school until eighth grade which was hands down the worst school year of my then 13 years on earth.

I went to school on the first day of first grade wearing my little maroon uniform and matching beanie. Things went well until recess when I asked this girl if I could play with her and her little clique. Her name was Stella Mack, which I thought was perfectly ugly name. She said no! I sobbed like there was no tomorrow. Three little girls came over and said they would play with me. I don’t remember their names, but one I called Flat Top because her hair was quite flat on the top of her head. I went home, promptly fainted, and did not go back until after Thanksgiving vacation. By that time, I was reading my sister’s 5th grade reader with ease.

On the first day back to school that nun tripped me up. The nun (who we all called Sr. Mary Tissue Paper) asked me to spell the word “two”. I had no idea. I could read a 5th grade book, but I cracked under the pressure. I had to stand at by my desk while everyone else spelled various words. Luckily, there were few other illiterate children standing with me by the end of the lesson.

I went flying across the street to my house. Yes, I was one of those lucky kids that simply rolled out of bed and across the street. I also ate lunch at home most days.
So here I am, with one day of school under my belt, and it’s already December. I hysterically told my mom and aunt I HAD to learn how to spell numbers one through ten or I would be shot by a firing squad of nuns. I believe this was when my fear of nuns and organized religion began to rear it’s ugly head.

My mom and aunt drilled those words into my brain. I went back thinking I would ace spelling nine or ten, when that nun said it was time for the next subject. Arggh! I was not happy.

The other less traumatic things I remember from first grade were singing America the Beautiful and receiving a construction paper Christmas tree and gluing pictures from magazines on the tree. I remember tracing pictures of letters and numbers on mimeographed paper, and circling the word that started with a certain letter.

I also remember The Blizzard of First Grade. I walked over to school while it was snowing, and it continued to snow all morning. The nuns said walkers had to wait for a sibling to take them home, so while I waited for my sister, I made one of those construction paper place mats that we all know so well. Mine was red and green.

I went to school some more until one day my mom said that school was over. FOREVER I asked??? Just for the summer??? Damn it!

Patty Grade 1

Long Time, No Type

Forgive me for not writing within the past month:

Here are some good and true excuses:

The heat index has been 95F since we got here in August, and my fingers slip on the keys because I am one giant sweat ball.

My doctor in Delaware lied. Florida weather is not making my RA better, it’s made it worse. I get carpal tunnel ever time I type, so it makes writing a whole lot less fun.

My husband The Big Guy feels I must go with him on every.trip.to.home.depot even if it’s three times in one day. I need to cut the cord. With a hedge trimmer.

We are starting a small booth in an antique store down here in FL, so worry about that has taken up some time.

I’ve had too much fun giving the Civic Association’s home page on FB too much of a hard time to type. Most of the people on there are stuck in their ways. I’ll have to tell you about the woman who thought poisoning stray cats here was ok another time.

I’ve gotten hooked on Veronica Mars, and am now starting to watch it all over from the pilot episode.

TBG and I have begun a life of crime. Ralph moved. We never met him, but his gf had sex in our house with a known felon. I know it wasn’t Ralph’s fault that his slutty girlfriend cheated on him, but it’s guilt by association. He’s moved, his house is vacant, and he has good plants. I now have a Mexican post cactus and several agaves.

End of excuses.

It’s nice to start writing again here. I will be happier when the weather cools down, which should right around Halloween when we will be leaving. Never fails. Crazily, we will be coming back about a week later, laden with vintage stuff to sell in our little shop at the antique store. Basically, we will either stuff all of our bins of collectibles into our van, or if they don’t fit, rent a trailer.

We have a new best friend down here. His name is Terry, and he has had fun suggestions of things to do down here. He’s lived in FL three years longer than us, so he knows cool places. Yesterday, we went to the Chiluly Exhibit in downtown St. Petersburg.

Pattyargon tumbleweed

Oh Lord, I’m Stuck In Old Clearwater Again!

Welcome to Clearwater

It’s 11:13, we’re here in Clearwater, and I am tired, sore and cranky. Sports cars seem to shrink in size the longer you sit in them. We also stopped at every Bealls from SC to FL, and filled the car up with more crap.The low point of the trip: getting a $200 ticket in Virginia for driving in a HOV lane. First of all, I had never heard of that acronym before. It means high occupancy vehicle. Someplace before Richmond, there were two lanes open with no trucks. We drove into them, thinking they were carpool lanes. When we saw flashing lights up ahead, we figured it was an accident. No, it was VA State Troopers ticketing out of state drivers for having less than three passengers. They have a law between 4:30 and 6:30 PM you need three passengers in the car to drive in the HOV lanes. No signs, nothing. I figured out that they were targeting out of staters because VA has front license plates. They let VA drivers with only 1 passenger in the cars whiz on by. They must figure they pay enough state tax. Not happy. 

The house looks great except for the houseplants I put outside. The guy who waters our plants must have thought watering the potted plants was optional, so he just let them die. 

We are registering the car tomorrow. Cars registered in  Florida have do not have to get inspected. Ever. I am sure there are a lot of cars (and ancient drivers) driving around that shouldn’t be on the road. 

I’ll be more amusing tomorrow after I rest up. 

Patty